Hook up made me feel dirty

Even when you enthusiastically consent to sex, there is still the lingering possibility that you might feel none too pleased with your choice in the cold light of day. But hookup regret is not the same as changing your mind mid-session — which is always grounds to stop immediately — it's just the sinking feeling hours, days or even months after that your choice of sexual partner s was a bit lamentable. As I've said many times: So pat yourself on the back for at least attempting to satisfy your hunger, despite how queasy you may feel post-meal. Most of us experience a twinge or deluge of regret post-indulgence, and here are five sex-positive ways to deal with it. If you engaged in casual, consensual sex and later regretted it, judging yourself isn't going to make you feel better.

Five Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Casual Sex

All rights reserved. When I think back to sex education class in high school, I mostly remember a lot of awkward diagrams and out of date educational videos from the s. To say it left a lot to be desired, is the understatement of the century. Although we covered the basics of the "birds and the bees", when it came to casual sex and hooking up the general message was "Don't do it!

Most of what I know about casual sex and sex in general I've learned through personal experience. From learning how to be comfortable in my own skin to dealing with those messy things called "feelings," here are a few things I really wish someone had told me about casual sex. Casual sex happens and there's nothing shameful or wrong about it. When I think back to my high-school sex ed classes, the message was always very clear: Sex in a relationship is great, but life doesn't always work out that way.

Maybe you haven't found "the one" or maybe you're not looking. In the meantime, as long as you're playing safe and not hurting anyone, there's nothing shameful or wrong about having sex because you enjoy it. You might develop feelings for the person you're sleeping with or hooking up with. This is a reality that I was completely unprepared for. When I was 18, I started seeing a guy who was quite a bit older than me.

The first time we slept together, he came over, we had sex and then he went home five minutes later. Nothing could have prepared me for the pit in my stomach that I felt after my first casual sex experience. Although I tried to brush it off as "no big deal," the truth was I got attached to people after I slept with them. When those feelings weren't reciprocated it hurt.

It's Ok to have feelings. We live in a society where we're often hyper-exposed to sexuality. If we're not being taught that sex is shameful, we're being encouraged to have as much of it as possible. It can get pretty confusing. When I was in my early something, I thought that in order to be empowered as a woman I needed to "have sex like a man" -- which means having as much as sex as possible with zero feelings attached.

This also isn't realistic. Both men and women can get attached to the people they sleep with -- I still do sometimes. It's OK to develop feelings There is no one way to feel about the people you get naked with. However, keep in mind, if you find yourself continually developing feelings for your casual hook-ups and getting hurt in the process, you may want to re-examine whether casual sex is really for you.

People will use ridiculous excuses to get out of using condoms -- don't believe them. I thought this would improve once I got out of my 20s, however now that I'm having sex in my 30s I feel like it's only gotten worse. A lot of the guys I meet have either come out of long-term relationships or marriages and have been "spoiled" in the sense that they haven't had to use condoms for years on end. Luckily, condoms have made great technological strides in the past few years as far as fit, comfort and pleasure.

Lacking knowledge about condoms is one thing. However, choosing to remain ignorant about the realities of STDs is just stupid. Recently, I also heard another something guy say that his method for protecting himself from STDs is to "pull out" I don't think it works that way buddy. Lastly, I recently met a man in his 40s that argued that he shouldn't have to wear a condom because I should "just trust him.

Which brings me to my next point Until proven otherwise, assume everyone is as clueless as the people I mentioned above and take your health into your own hands. Always use a condom and practice the safer sex. You can have really great sex with someone you don't necessarily love -- I think this is one of the biggest take-aways for me. If you practice safer sex, feel comfortable with yourself and the person you're with, you can have really great sex without the "L" word entering into the equation.

There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality on your own terms! Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements. Learn more. All Sections. Parents Alyson Schafer Baby Names. Video Salute Build. Blogs Blog Voices. What's something you wish you'd known about casual sex?

Celebrity Sex Quotes. President's Choice Recalls Jarred Sauces.

May 9, Sex, it's everywhere. You do it, your mom does it, your grandpa did it (Or does it. Thank you modern medicine). Minus a few 'test tube babies'. Mar 23, And if you're *not* feeling excited about this hookup at all? Was it really my decision or did I feel really pressured? (And P.S., if you had unprotected sex, don't mess around — get emergency contraception ASAP and.

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Consider this scene: Understandably, you've thought of nothing else since… but you're no longer obsessing over the magical feeling of her-lips-on-yours or the sight-of-him-shirtless.

The key is not to beat yourself up too much over it, because it really does happen to the best of us. And bringing a little humor and levity to the situation can do wonders. So take a cue from these eight women who bravely relived—and laughed about—some of their most awkward, embarrassing, and hilarious hookup moments.

How The Hook-Up Culture Makes Me Feel Less Human

Aisling, 28, who preferred not to be pictured, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she felt "used and cheated". When seen in the cold light of the morning after the night before, what had seemed like a rather thrilling idea at the time suddenly felt anything but for year-old PR executive Aisling. At the party where they'd met, the prospect of a no-strings, one-night stand with a handsome young man had felt sexy, slightly dangerous, liberating and a salve to the ego following the end of a four-year relationship. Only when Aisling woke up, she didn't feel liberated. As her conquest departed with barely a backward glance, she felt used and cheated, even though she'd been under no illusion that it might lead to anything more.

Why Feeling Used For Sex Was the Best Lesson Ever

Aisling, 28, who preferred not to be pictured, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she felt "used and cheated". When seen in the cold light of the morning after the night before, what had seemed like a rather thrilling idea at the time suddenly felt anything but for year-old PR executive Aisling. At the party where they'd met, the prospect of a no-strings, one-night stand with a handsome young man had felt sexy, slightly dangerous, liberating and a salve to the ego following the end of a four-year relationship. Only when Aisling woke up, she didn't feel liberated. As her conquest departed with barely a backward glance, she felt used and cheated, even though she'd been under no illusion that it might lead to anything more. She worried about what the man really thought of her as a person, what friends would say if they found out, why her one-night stand had been so eager to depart without asking for a phone number. We ended up having sex, and in the morning I was mortified. Aisling, who asked that her surname be kept private, had her first taste of the single life aged 22, having broken up with her boyfriend of four years. They'd say whatever it took to get me into bed and then drop me.

Can someone please explain to me how things operate in hookup culture?

You do it, your mom does it, your grandpa did it Or does it. Thank you modern medicine. Sexual images are projected on television, online, and in your own thoughts. For many the topic is associated with being dirty or impure, as if our natural desires were an error of some sort.

5 Sex-Positive Ways To Deal With Hookup Regret

All rights reserved. When I think back to sex education class in high school, I mostly remember a lot of awkward diagrams and out of date educational videos from the s. To say it left a lot to be desired, is the understatement of the century. Although we covered the basics of the "birds and the bees", when it came to casual sex and hooking up the general message was "Don't do it! Most of what I know about casual sex and sex in general I've learned through personal experience. From learning how to be comfortable in my own skin to dealing with those messy things called "feelings," here are a few things I really wish someone had told me about casual sex. Casual sex happens and there's nothing shameful or wrong about it. When I think back to my high-school sex ed classes, the message was always very clear: Sex in a relationship is great, but life doesn't always work out that way. Maybe you haven't found "the one" or maybe you're not looking. In the meantime, as long as you're playing safe and not hurting anyone, there's nothing shameful or wrong about having sex because you enjoy it. You might develop feelings for the person you're sleeping with or hooking up with.

Hookup Culture Leaves Me Feeling Empty

I didn't go into this with strong emotions. I liked him enough; I was even ambivalent about starting anything serious, but there are strange emotions that manifest from sex when it's mixed with rejection. I think she meant casual sex and had good intentions when she gave us this little insight. I think I value my body -- I certainly value myself. But girl power, right? Without that feeling of blackness and shame? Like I said, there are emotions associated when rejection follows sex, regardless of whether or not you were initially interested in the person.

Hooking up with an ex rarely ends well, but it did leave me with plenty of regrets the next day. I just wanted sex with someone I was comfortable with. It ended for a reason. Look at the smug ass smile. He knew I was going to sleep with him before he even said a word.

Lauren encourages college women to avoid suppressing such feelings. Feeling emotional after sex can happen to women at any age, so college women are no exception! There is nothing wrong with non-commital sex, but some women aren't able to handle it as well as others. It is something that can be experienced by both men and women but is relatively unique to each individual. According to Laurel, PCD is totally normal and biological. When you have sex, tons of hormones—particularly dopamine and prolactin—are released that allow you to be vulnerable and tap into your true emotions. After reaching orgasm, a woman's dopamine level drops while her prolactin level rises. Prolactin works to counter dopamine and shut down sexual desire, and surges of it can continue to be released up to two weeks after orgasm, according to the Entelechy Journal.

Aisling, 28, who preferred not to be pictured, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she felt "used and cheated". When seen in the cold light of the morning after the night before, what had seemed like a rather thrilling idea at the time suddenly felt anything but for year-old PR executive Aisling. At the party where they'd met, the prospect of a no-strings, one-night stand with a handsome young man had felt sexy, slightly dangerous, liberating and a salve to the ego following the end of a four-year relationship. Only when Aisling woke up, she didn't feel liberated. As her conquest departed with barely a backward glance, she felt used and cheated, even though she'd been under no illusion that it might lead to anything more. She worried about what the man really thought of her as a person, what friends would say if they found out, why her one-night stand had been so eager to depart without asking for a phone number. We ended up having sex, and in the morning I was mortified.

I experienced a feeling the other day that as a guy I was not aware that I could experience. Or at least I never thought about. I felt used for sex. It was a horrible feeling and I felt low and I felt dirty. I felt like a slut, and not in a good way, not in some glorified way that, as a guy, I would brag about to my friends. No, I felt like a slut the same way a girl might be made to feel.

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