When your daughter is dating someone you dont like

When your daughter is dating someone you dont like

Each stage of parenting offers its own unique challenges for very different reasons. Newborns make for a complete shock to your way of life. Toddlers let you know very quickly that you're not in charge. Elementary school kids can at least communicate with you though they might not — scratch that — they probably won't listen. And then there are the teens. Teen behavior is proof that extraterrestrial life does exist.

How to Talk to a Teenage Daughter About a Bad Boyfriend

I have always admired Mick Jagger: What a fabulous fellow he is. But even he can make mistakes, and it seems as if he has just made one, by objecting to his daughter Elizabeth's choice of boyfriend. Elizabeth is 18; the boyfriend is 44, and Mr Jagger thinks he is is "too old" for her. This is a bit of a cheek, considering the age disparity in his own choice of partners, but his real blunder is to think that he can influence his daughter's choice of partner. If there is anything that makes a wastrel or cad irresistibly attractive to a daughter, it is the fact that her parents think he is frightful.

Conversely, if you are thrilled to bits with your son or daughter's choice of partner, then it is probably wise not to be too effusive. I was rather keen on one of my daughter's boyfriends because he liked opera and was able to discuss it at dinner. He and I had a heavenly chat; Daughter was nauseated and dumped him at once. Years later, the same boy had his eyebrow and other parts pierced. I was nauseated; Daughter admired him all over again. The best option, if your grown-up child selects what you believe to be a dreadful partner, is to mind your own business.

But if you feel impelled to intervene, the only possible way of changing things is perhaps by using a "paradoxical injunction" - praise the ghastly partners and be sniffy about the charming ones. I have been advised to do this by my friend Andrea, although she has not managed to make it work herself. She has been choosing this type for years. Andrea tries to be pleasant and affect to like them, but by now all her children can see through it.

They know that Andrea is a bit Jane Austen-y. She is desperate for them to choose someone with a profession as long as it is not the church , educated, amusing, polite, perhaps with a shock of dark hair. This is her own personal dream, really, and her children think her a terrible snob. They avoid Andrea's favourite types like the plague. Andrea's hopes were raised recently when her daughter began a midwifery course: Naturally, Daughter fell in love with the porter.

Andrea has given up the fight. And it can be a real fight. In , Eleanor fell in love at the age of 18 and would stay out with her boyfriend until three in the morning. Her father had to lock her mother in the bedroom to prevent her from attacking Eleanor in a fury when she came home. My career [as an actor] could have been ruined. He was killed in action two years later.

I would never have forgiven her. Eleanor was fortunate. Fathers are not always helpful. This is an area in which things can get rather murky, particularly between men and their daughters. They think they know what the boyfriend is up to. But he does have problems remaining in the same room as a daughter and her boyfriend. The thought of anything physical between them makes him queasy. His daughters have noticed this problem. But it isn't just the ghastly choices that cause problems.

Suppose your child chooses the perfect partner - and then dumps him or her? Marion was distraught when her son ditched his girlfriend. She had been part of Marion's life for six years: Then, suddenly, the lovely girl was not there any more. There was her son's future happiness thrown away. The foolish boy. Would he ever meet such a wonderful woman again? Marion cried for weeks, but only when her son was not looking. It only makes your child feel guilty or enraged. There is nothing they can do about it.

They can't fall back in love again to please their parents. And what if your own child is the rat? Hilary's son, who lived in a separate flat in Hilary's house, had a delightful long-term girlfriend. Whenever this girlfriend had to go away for work, Hilary's son would get on the phone, inviting another woman round. He would remove all traces of the other woman before his girlfriend's return. Hilary was drawn into his deceit and felt that she was betraying the girlfriend, whom she loved almost like a daughter.

The older children grow, the more serious this partner problem becomes. The person they choose will be having your grandchildren and inheriting half your estate. Pity the poor mother of Charlotte Church, millionairess girl soprano, trying to protect her daughter from spongers and money-grubbers and not having much luck.

Mother and daughter have had dreadful squabbles over the latest bad boy. According to her former manager, it just shows that Charlotte "is a well-balanced, normal child". Note the word "normal" to describe disobedient Charlotte. My mother has always been tormented by similar anxieties. She has been on red alert for most of my adult life, but has always had a problem keeping her feelings to herself. She can only suppress her revulsion for so long. I might say too much.

This sort of hostility only makes one spring to the defence of the reviled boyfriend. On principle, one cannot ditch him - if only to spite one's mother in return. My father never even bothered to investigate. He just assumed that none of them were up to much and called them all "Boy". The latest Boy was It did my dad no good. The Boy is still around. Recently, on Blind Date, a father seated in the audience insisted on shouting to his daughter his opinion as to which bloke she should choose.

She ignored his advice and chose someone else. Good for her. When will my mother or that father or Mrs Church or Mr Jagger learn? But all is not lost. The good news for parents is that if your child chooses someone appalling, then 10 to one, their peers will do the job for you and see the gruesome creature off. Jonathan's daughter has a friend, Sophie, who is at present dating an elderly hippy.

He gives Sophie and her friends out-of-date hippy advice: They have no time for his homespun hippy wisdom. With their help, Sophie will no doubt eventually see the light and dump him. Just as long as her parents keep their mouths shut. Topics Family. Reuse this content. Most popular.

“We have always emphasized how important it is that he marry someone of our faith. We want him to stop seeing her and find a girl who is appropriate.”. I have a story for toysthatteachbothell.com upon a time there was a wonderful yr old girl with a large piano scholarship out of state. She had a very strict.

This is very tricky territory, as we know from the story of Romeo and Juliet , and is something we hear about a lot at Relate. First of all, try to be clear about your reservations and why you have them. But this is one of those moments in parenting where you have to start letting go.

Featured , Kids.

Natasha Miles. You have to get past all the narcissists , then come the energy vampires, and once you clear them you must weed out the liars and cheaters. But what if they have a child or multiple children?

12 Dating Warning Signs to Share with Your Daughter (Plus one more)

Dating a divorced or single parent? It goes without saying that your partner and their kids are a package deal. But there's so much more you need to know than that. Below, we summarize some pointers from single moms and dads on our Facebook page about dating someone with kids. No matter how dashing and wonderful you are, the kids will always come first. That means you need to be understanding when your date goes into another room to call and check on the kids.

When You Don’t Approve of Your Adult Child’s Relationship

The greasy-haired, tattoo-covered guy has dropped out of high school or college and spends his day driving around in his sleek car. Then, girl meets boy and everything changes. It also applies to unmarried adult children. Thank them for being willing to talk for a few minutes. Your child will shut down if you start by attacking their friend. Would you share with me why you chose to do that? My blog, How to Tackle Tough Topics with Your Teen , will give you a practical, step-by-step approach for addressing issues with your children. Then, perhaps you can make a suggestion that you both can live with.

All rights reserved. The day will inevitably come when your sweet pre-teen gets to be dating age.

As a woman who doesn't want kids of her own, I've always been a little apprehensive about dating someone who has a child. I like kids. I love babies. I just don't know if I'm cut out to be a mom.

She's not under your thumb, Mick

The woman talking with me is more than a little upset. In fact, she is beside herself with worry and disapproval. Yet she swears he is the love of her life and she defends him! We want him to stop seeing her and find a girl who is appropriate. Love and romance. If only it were sensible. Sometimes it is. When young people are crazy in love, it can seem really crazy to the adults around them. At times, it can seem like the biggest mistake your child could make. At times, it can threaten the very fabric of family life and the larger family culture. When that happens, parents are challenged to the depths of their souls.

How Do I Disapprove of My Daughter's Friend or Boyfriend Without Being an Invasive Mom?

I would try to have discussions with your daughter that do not put her on the defensive about being with this young man. Ask her open-ended questions about him and their relationship that are non-judgmental, shaming or blaming. Don't put her in a position of having to choose between her family and him. You have instilled your beliefs and your values in your daughter. You need to believe that you have done your job in raising her to make sensible decisions about how and whom to select as a boyfriend. If you do sense that this young man is inflicting any physical harm or mental anguish on your daughter, you need to intervene.

She's not under your thumb, Mick

I have always admired Mick Jagger: What a fabulous fellow he is. But even he can make mistakes, and it seems as if he has just made one, by objecting to his daughter Elizabeth's choice of boyfriend. Elizabeth is 18; the boyfriend is 44, and Mr Jagger thinks he is is "too old" for her. This is a bit of a cheek, considering the age disparity in his own choice of partners, but his real blunder is to think that he can influence his daughter's choice of partner. If there is anything that makes a wastrel or cad irresistibly attractive to a daughter, it is the fact that her parents think he is frightful. Conversely, if you are thrilled to bits with your son or daughter's choice of partner, then it is probably wise not to be too effusive.

How to Give Your Teenager Dating Advice When You Disapprove

Whether it's a new boyfriend who seems like he's bad news or a friend who sets off that little warning light in your brain, deciding how to handle these kinds of situations is one of the biggest struggles I've heard moms talk about. On the one hand, because you're such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl believe me, when I've heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I've felt the exact same way! But at the same time, you don't want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. So how do you find the right balance? When I received this question from a HuffPost reader, it took me back to two particular times when my own mom and I were facing this issue.

When You Don’t Approve of Your Adult Child’s Relationship

It is definitely hard to see the love of your life, the person you love forever unconditionally, waste their time with someone who you think is a complete loser. This might seem annoying at first but as a concerned parent, you have every right to introduce new prospects into your child's life when you hate your daughter's boyfriend. Regardless of whether she is interested in the guys you introduce her to or not, I would still continue to suggest new guys. I say to continue with setting her up whether it works out or not, because maybe eventually she will see the differences between the gentlemen you set her up with, and the low-life she is currently dating. Most importantly, make sure to say that you would hate to see her with someone so disrespectful or whatever the case may be. So do not feel guilty raising your concerns with your spouse and other children, because chances are they are just as concerned as you, and a reasonable course of action can be taken. The other outcome is that maybe you are overreacting to the situation, and your loved ones might be able to help you see how unreasonable YOU are being.

Tiffany Raiford has several years of experience writing freelance. Her writing focuses primarily on articles relating to parenting, pregnancy and travel. Raiford is a graduate of Saint Petersburg College in Florida. The bad boy persona is one that teen girls -- and women -- are presented with on TV, in movies and in books, according to Boston-based psychiatrist Susan Carey. These bad boys often are dangerous and inappropriate, but they turn out to be sweet guys by the end. However, it becomes a problem when your teenage daughter's boyfriend is actually just a bad boyfriend and bad influence. Discuss your expectations with your daughter, but make it about her and not her bad boyfriend.

Advice For Parenting Teens - When Your Daughter Is Dating A Loser - Michael J. Bradley, EdD
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