Husband addicted to online dating sites
I'm 51, I work full time and have been married for 30 years, with two grown-up children - one of them still living at home. The past ten years have been challenging as my husband had to work 80 miles away, living two lives as he splits the week between job location and home. Three years ago, at 50, he had a classic midlife crisis his words: He went to counselling alone, refused to go as a couple, and I believe he wanted to end the marriage. He left me for three weeks, then returned.
What To Do If You Find Your Husband On Dating Sites?
I'm 51, I work full time and have been married for 30 years, with two grown-up children - one of them still living at home. The past ten years have been challenging as my husband had to work 80 miles away, living two lives as he splits the week between job location and home. Three years ago, at 50, he had a classic midlife crisis his words: He went to counselling alone, refused to go as a couple, and I believe he wanted to end the marriage.
He left me for three weeks, then returned. I was so frightened I did all I could to cling on, as I know he was close to leaving for good. I lost weight, paid attention, went out with him more, wore silk nighties Then, in , I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my world was rocked in a different way - 12 months of surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and hair loss. He appeared supportive, but it was all a lie.
I discovered more online dating and confronted him. He was remorseful and said it was 'an escape, a fantasy' to help him cope with his job, my illness and so on. Some 18 months on, I've discovered him online dating again. I'm devastated. He's undermined our marriage once more, but denies this is infidelity as he's 'just looking' and doesn't do anything! I disagree as I've read some of the exchanges - he says he's not married, then when they get to a 'let's meet' point he doesn't go. Or so he says.
I've lost all trust and can't tell truth from lies. I'm very hurt, but feel stronger now, both physically and mentally - not afraid to say what I think and no longer desperate to appease him or indulge his excuses. He's terrified I will tell our children what he's doing shame, I guess and in his defence, he is trying - for example, he booked us a fantastic holiday, suggested joint counselling, admitted it's an addiction, and is going to cut his hours so he can be home nearly all week.
I suppose my question is - is this enough? I know he's found my surgery scarring difficult to come to terms with, but surely there's more to life than great boobs? I cope with these body issues every day and my husband's clear rejection of me is very hard to take. I always thought we'd love each other whatever life threw at us. I wish there was a way of making him realise what he is doing is wrong - he needs a jolt into reality instead of living a fantasy.
Do I forgive him again? Although I believe that the capacity for forgiveness is all-but endless, it is still a struggle to reach the end of your letter and say: Yes, and I can think of another use, but we won't go there. What makes me really angry is the way he is making you feel about your body. You endured breast cancer, had surgery and all the painful treatment, and now have the added punishment of knowing that he finds your scars 'difficult to come to terms with'.
Playing around online is a serious form of infidelity, and cannot be argued away because no sex takes place. You also make the very important point that you no longer feel so much his victim as before. You have become a stronger woman, perhaps through the very fact that you've had to deal with a series of painful shocks. The first came when you first discovered he was playing around online - all decked out in his youthful hairstyle and kit.
The second when you were diagnosed. The third when, despite all that you were going through, he could not keep away from the online dating sites. And now, fourth, he is back to his old ways and you are forced to accept the ending of your dream that together you would face up to whatever problems life threw at you. At this point the question is not just whether or not you forgive him again, but also whether he can start to forgive himself. The man is terrified of getting old and so he is acting the fool - like so many before him.
But nothing he does - no clothes he buys or ladies he flirts with online - will halt the ageing process. Also, playing around online is a serious form of infidelity, and cannot be argued away because no sex takes place. First, he must accept both those uncomfortable truths. If he does think he has become addicted to online sites then he should seek counselling for himself, as well as couple counselling with you. And reading your letter I'm not entirely sure that you do.
You have to balance your own fear of getting older and being alone with the knowledge that you will never, ever be able to forget what this husband of yours has done to you. At 51 you are young enough yes, really! Nobody else can balance these alternatives for you. Therefore my advice is to accept for now the conciliatory offers he's making, even though they will never be 'enough'.
Go to Relate. With a third person mediating, you should be able to thrash out many issues, including the important one of what you tell your grown-up children. There's his fear of ageing, your own grief for all you have lost in the past couple of years, how you face up to disillusionment, what would help you rebuild, and so on.
I'm not saying this because I believe you should work to save this marriage at all cost - but because I think it's what you want to hear. I feel utterly wretched. My closest friend and companion Woody has been poisoned and died. He was my shadow for nine years and I told him how much I loved him every day. I'm an unselfish person, but feel angry that I have to speed up my emotions because everyone wants to move on. He was still alive the next day and we had him transported to Bristol, where they put him in intensive care.
They knew it was poison. A day later he was dead. I'm looking for signs everywhere that he has made his way back to me in spirit. He loved me and I loved him. The other three dogs do not bring comfort because they have different personalities, more like dogs. My partner is supportive, but my year-old son keeps telling me that Woody would not want us to be sad. I think he's wanting to get back to normal. Will he be waiting for me when it is my turn?
Do you think his spirit will find his way back to me? Some months ago, I published a letter from a lonely man grief-stricken over his dog - and was overwhelmed by the response. In the same postbag as yours, I had a letter from a lady whose Jack Russell, Rosie, died of cancer in and 'I have never had such devotion from anyone'. That's why I make no apology for returning to the subject.
Those locked into the shadow of grief for a beloved human being will cry out: I had to edit your letter, but should just explain that some of your sorrow is surely to do with the fact that a part of you fears the toxicity may have been caused by a certain treat you gave Woody. It is a natural part of grief to wonder if in some way we could have done something to avert disaster, but I just ask you to put that out of your mind.
Whatever the truth, there's nothing to be done now. The last chapter of my new book Small Dogs Can Save Your Life deals in part with the subject of grief over animals and I quote various 'authorities' who suggest that dogs may indeed have souls. I write: In truth, I suspect this is not the case, but what does it matter, if believing gives comfort?
I also quote the American poet mark Doty, who 'hears' the sound of his dead retriever's paws in the wood where they used to walk. According to a survey conducted by the vet Bruce Fogle one out of five practising vets admitted a belief that dogs have souls. So I will leave you with that, for you must find solace where you can. And look for a white feather on your next walk. Many readers were moved by last week's letter from Linda, whose disabled daughter died at six leaving her feeling abandoned by all her friends.
Well, one answer is, of course, that other bereaved parents understand. And some of those parents emailed me to ask why I didn't mention the work of that wonderful charity The Compassionate Friends. One reader, Sylvia, said: But when I write replies I'm careful not just to give a list of contacts, especially as nowadays it's so easy to reach such sources of help online. But you see, when people take the trouble to write to me I think they want my own thoughts Everyone in the organisation is a bereaved parent.
Jill's son was killed in a car accident 18 years ago. She says: How can I deal with my husband's addiction to online flirting? Share or comment on this article: Bing Site Web Enter search term: Kem Cetinay talks us through his essential style tips for men and there's not a sock and sandal combo in sight! Excl pictures show the young Duchess giggling with friends at her prestigious primary school popular with A-list celebrities Denise Welch, 60, reveals special diet and cognitive behavioural therapy helped to curb her sugar cravings and shed over two stone Slimmed down Britain's Got Talent: Sophie Jonas!
Sophie Wessex looks stylish in a polka dot dress as she playfully arm wrestles a little boy during a school visit in Delhi Sonic The Hedgehog set to get a makeover for his upcoming movie after fans lambaste his appearance: Domino's feast, Prosecco aplenty, a saxophonist and Bongo Ben Jude Law marries for a second time! Rag'n'Bone Man marries Beth Rouy at registry office with pink velvet thrones I'm getting married in Vegas!
I wrote about husbands using dating sites well before the recent Ashley he has continued his cheating addiction with online dating and has had an affair. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. ” - Carl Rogers To make the question shorter and easier on my simple brain.
Recently, I was talking to my friend Jo about her life as a something singleton. Her marriage broke up two years ago - since then, she cheerfully admitted, she has become an online dating obsessive: She listed some:
The Social Spot Politics and Religion.
Discovering that your husband is visiting online dating sites can be an emotionally devastating experience. Although such behavior constitutes a betrayal and many wives consider this a form of adultery, if you and your husband can communicate your physical and emotional needs to each other, it may be possible to fix your marriage. When trying to fix your marriage, speak to your husband about the issues that led him to visit online dating sites.
Dear Thelma: My husband is addicted to online dating sites
My husband is many years older than me. We have an eight-year-old daughter. When I met my husband, I knew that he was active on online dating sites and was chatting with numerous girls. But he promised he would stop once we got married. I was OK with that. But one year into our marriage, I realised he was even more actively chatting with girls and sharing pictures.
I found my husband on an online dating site
But, I was thrilled by the ultimatum given to the company by the hackers, because offering escapades to a married person having marriage trouble is like offering booze to an alcoholic. Some smart men got scared; good! This article is not to proselytize , but to save marriages. Use your discovery as a wake-up call, and call to action; not a reason to end your marriage. Cheating of any kind, to any degree, is immoral, but It does not have to spell the end of your marriage; not by any means. I will help you be able to think things through with clarity. This should help you with both. The shock and disappointment you feel now or the numbness will take some time to get over, but it always passes.
I have been with my husband for 12 years, and married for almost
Когда коммандер заговорил, в его голосе звучали ледяные нотки: - Мистер Чатрукьян, я не хочу сказать, что вас это не касается, но фильтры обошел. - Очевидно, что Стратмор с трудом сдерживает гнев.
BEL MOONEY: How can I deal with my husband's addiction to online flirting?
Звук мотора, похожий на визг циркулярной пилы, заставил его повернуться. Парень крупного сложения и прильнувшая к нему сзади девушка въехали на стоянку на стареньком мотоцикле Веспа-250. Юбка девушки высоко задралась от ветра, но она не обращала на это ни малейшего внимания. Беккер рванулся к. Неужели все это происходит со мной? - подумал. - Я же терпеть не могу мотоциклы. Он крикнул парню: - Десять тысяч, если отвезете меня в аэропорт.
Тот даже не повернул головы и выключил двигатель. - Двадцать тысяч! - крикнул Беккер. - Мне срочно нужно в аэропорт. Наконец парень посмотрел на. - Scusi? - Он оказался итальянцем.
How to Fix a Marriage When the Husband Goes to Online Dating Sites
Нет. Думаю, англичанка. И с какими-то дикими волосами - красно-бело-синими. Беккер усмехнулся, представив это зрелище. - Может быть, американка? - предположил. - Не думаю, - сказала Росио.
Зараженный файл существует, сэр. Но он прошел Сквозь строй. - Если эта система его не перехватила, то откуда вы знаете, что вирус существует. Чатрукьян вдруг обрел прежнюю уверенность. - Цепная мутация, сэр.
О чем. - Квадрат Цезаря, - просияла Сьюзан. - Читается сверху. Танкадо прислал нам письмо. ГЛАВА 122 - Шесть минут! - крикнул техник.
Но надежда быстро улетучивалась. Похоже, нужно было проанализировать политический фон, на котором разворачивались эти события, сравнить их и перевести это сопоставление в магическое число… и все это за пять минут. ГЛАВА 124 - Атаке подвергся последний щит. На ВР отчетливо было видно, как уничтожалось окно программной авторизации. Черные всепроникающие линии окружили последний предохранительный щит и начали прорываться к сердцевине банка данных.
Алчущие хакеры прорывались со всех уголков мира. Их количество удваивалось каждую минуту.
Бринкерхофф слабо вскрикнул: - Этот червь откроет наш банк данных всему миру. - Для Танкадо это детская забава, - бросил Джабба. - Нашим главным стражем была система Сквозь строй, а Стратмор вышвырнул ее в мусорную корзину. - Это объявление войны, - прошептал Фонтейн срывающимся голосом. Джабба покачал головой: - Лично я сомневаюсь, что Танкадо собирался зайти так. Я думаю, он собирался оставаться поблизости и вовремя все это остановить.
Глядя на экран, Фонтейн увидел, как полностью исчезла первая из пяти защитных стен.How To Catch A Cheating Man On Dating Sites And The Internet